Zack and I aren’t your typical family. I’ve admitted in print that we’re not “baby people”, which would certainly make us seem almost inhuman to many. (We like babies fine from afar, appreciate them and revel in your joy of children and grandchildren. We’ll adore and dote upon any presented to us by our own. We just don’t want to kiss, hug and squeeze every random infant we encounter like most true “baby people” I know. OK, so that’s one way we’re different.
We choose to live in an old, drafty farmhouse in the country, on a ranch that’s rather a work camp. That’s another difference. We’d rather make something or read than watch network television or reality TV. We’re opinionated, stubborn and discuss ideas.
Another difference will make us seem positively un-American. We don’t like sports on TV. Zack did previously, but with current filming techniques, he tunes in no longer. The cameramen pan the crowd for strangers cleaning fingernails, using cell phones, chewing gum. More reality TV. No thanks. Sportscasters impart useless fluff, attempt wit and fill air time. There are close-ups of players’ and coaches’ faces. Rarely do you view the whole field/court to follow the entire play. I never, ever enjoyed sports on TV, would rather watch paint dry.
As far as driving to a stadium in heavy traffic and paying good money to park one’s car in what will later become grid lock; it’s a joy we avoid, having both previously experienced that pleasure. This must be why God invented beer and tailgating, like scopolamine for childbirth decades ago. (Google it). After the substance hits the system, the patient remembers no pain. Beer makes sporting events possible. Even in the comfort of one’s own home, it dulls the senses enough to survive the down times. This isn’t the only beneficial effect of beer, but without it, where would sports be?
Stadium sticker shock is enough to send one back to the couch, chips and cooler. Prices of tickets, drinks and food have risen to the point that the average American family (if there are any left) is unable to enjoy a day at the ballpark/ stadium for under several hundred dollars. This is no less than a national tragedy. Saving enough money to take the kids to a game (or likely putting it on credit cards and agonizing later) is now akin to saving for vacation. Folks wish to share a happy childhood memory with their children. It’s not right that a parent must mortgage the farm to make it happen or sit in the nosebleed section.
Zack and I were discussing the taxes people pay in certain cities to build large sports stadiums and arenas. Does this benefit the actual tax-paying resident who can’t afford a ticket every week? Does the renown of a major sports team (when winning) in one’s own fair city put money back into this guy’s pocket? Is it worth it? I say no. It may bring business to the municipality and money to other pockets, but it will never find its way back to the average citizen. Are bragging rights for “your team” (a bunch of sometimes fairly otherwise worthless guys you’ll never know) worth it? How many big teams (or their multi-millionaire player/ heroes) pitch in to help build “their new house”?
The die-hard, inveterate football fan might reverse our own preferred Zacharias Process described at the end; use the wonders of modern technology to watch ONLY football. This means no commentary or cheap filler/ banter during time-outs and injuries. Just pure football; athletics the way sports was meant to be. Zack did a quasi-scientific study. Each play takes an average of approximately 8 seconds. Say there are 30 plays a quarter. This would be 240 seconds x 4 quarters =almost 1000 seconds. Divided by 60 that’s about 15 minutes of real action. Using the Zacharias Technique, one might distill the entire game viewing down to fifteen minutes, leaving the remainder of the afternoon for other activities including more enjoyment of refreshments and the company of any guests who shared the vision.
OK, enough ranting. Bottom line is that the DVR that Zack never wanted but now loves paid for itself during the Super Bowl. We weren’t inside glued to the game or Madonna’s halftime show, but we did save it all to fast forward for the commercials. Not having to watch the pregame show or actual football; satisfying. Not suffering Madonna; awesome. Viewing only commercials in about ten minutes; priceless.
